Struggles

Struggles

For the past two weeks I have mainly been working for school and doing my internship. I was on neonatology for two weeks. Next to trying to keep my babyfever under control by seeing all these cute little babies, I have learned a lot. Even though I really liked the ward, the staff and the kind of work, there were a lot of moments that I was a little bit bored. I was not allowed to do the administrative part and fill out the files, so there were moments that I had to just sit and do nothing. And if there is one thing that I am NOT good at... 
Besides the cute and fun part, it was also very confronting. I started noticing a lot of social and financial issues. Very young mothers, parents with addictions, parents who weren't able to take care of their child, parents who didn't want to take care of their child due to financial and social issues, ... Of course, there were a lot of wonderful and caring moms, but I couldn't help and focus on this side of the story.

To be very honest, I have struggled a lot this week. I noticed that I really underestimated the impact being away from home. I have been very naive, thinking that I could do this thing like it's nothing. I have noticed that I am struggling a lot with myself, and that there are so many things that I just don't understand. I somtimes feel like the differences are just too big, and that I could never get used to it.

I was (and still am) very disappointed in myself for thinking to give up. I expected this to be easy (don't ask me why, I really don't know) because this is not the first time that I am so far away from home for such a long time. I am shocked with myself and with the things I've seen, even when I know that I have not even seen a bit of it. 
I am not giving up - obviously - and even though I would rather go home sometimes, I want to try to make the best out of this experience. This is a wonderful country with a lot of good and friendly people and as much issues I don't understand. I know I will get through this, and maybe I am a little bit blinded by homesickness.

Positive note

It's not all bad. We had two birthdays last week (Terri and Max) so we discovered some new places with amazing food. We had big breakfasts and enjoyed each others company. We went canoeing and had a proper beach day. Pepijn, Terri's boyfriend showed up for a visit. I celebrated my one year anniversary with a very long FaceTime call. I got to know new people and places.

I apologize for not being my cheerful self and not writing a big blogpost. I will add pictures of the activities and I feel like next week is going to be better!

XOXO,
Charlotte



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